I have dreams. Dreams to remember.

As if to prepare me for writing this blog today, I had a delectably curious dream last night just aching to be interpreted. I had a baby for which I was judged very harshly. It was like a speed-thru gestation period because I went from finding out I was pregnant to having the child within the span of the dream. I can't remember it all, but I was at my good childhood friend's house, and it was near a lake. We were on boat docks for a lot of the dream. I was so embarrassed that I was pregnant and obviously unattached, and when I was pretty far along, she was like, "Oh wow, I didn't think you would actually go through with the pregnancy."
After I had the baby, he had some kind of disorder where he grew very rapidly and for that reason, I had a very confusing moment when I went ahead and let him drive somewhere, but then freaked out because even though he looked like a grown teenager he was only a couple of months old. Bizarre. Oh man did I love this freak of a child, though. It was very "us against the world."
In addition to the birth that nearly took place in my home, there seems to be a flurry of baby activity all around me. I got into an argument with a friend of mine recently about the decision to have children in this day and age. He believes that everyone who purposely has children is fulfilling an extremely selfish indulgence. His argument centered on the terrifying fact that the population on the planet went from 1.6 billion to over 6 billion people over the course of the last century.
Although my argument wasn't against his logic, I found myself heatedly defending parents of my generation. I just don't think it's selfishness...it's as basic as breathing. Pretty much the only thing we're wired to do besides survive ourselves, is to survive as a species. But over the week, I've decided my defenses are waning. Just because it's basic, doesn't mean it's not a choice. I struggle with this because in life, much like my dream, I am in no position to bring a life into this world, and yet it's hard for me to imagine a life where I don't eventually do just that. Repeatedly.
So a few weeks ago, I was able to see the Jung exhibit at the Rubin museum. I'm pretty much one of the only New Yorkers I know who's never been to see a therapist/analyst/psychiatrist. My feelings about it have changed over the past couple of years because of testaments from very trusted sources, and I'd probably venture a visit had I the time or money. But that's what I pay you for, right? I guess I had a somewhat tainted perspective because it seems to be playing into the ego that's causing you the misery to begin with. Get over yourself. Meditate. Take a walk in the woods. But I now understand it to be an extremely helpful tool in what Jung called the "higher development of personality."
I went to the museum with a couple of close friends who I admire as artists and individuals. Totally down to earth, educated and talented, the newly married Dunns made the outing 100x more pleasurable and interesting than if I'd gone alone. I mean, Emily has a degree in Art History from Vassar and an awesome understanding of art therapy?! She was like my own personal reference manual. This whole exercise of doing uniquely New York activities is a very transparent ruse to spend time with New Yorkers I find interesting, if you've not caught on.
The permanent collection alone is worth a visit up to the Rubin. Relatively new, it opened in 1999 and the collection includes varied types of Himalayan art from the 12th century onward. A very fitting exploration as I'm getting ready to learn to teach a practice born of this history and region of the world.
I'm leaving on a retreat for the weekend before I start training, and though I think the practice of yoga is important and revolutionary and has the ability to change the world, I'm cautious and averse to subscribing to any dogmas. I learned at the Rubin, for example, that Buddhism came to Tibet supported by Imperial patronage. Also, the goddess Green Tara, is your go to for protection from 8 fears, including elephant stampedes and snow lions. Though I have a healthy fear of these things, they probably wouldn't make my top 8 fears here in Clinton Hill. Like the antiquated laws of the Bible, I feel there are parts from all religions to take or leave. The roots of yoga, however, like the Golden Rule or Christian philosophies are common sense pathways to harmony and happiness in this lifetime, and I think the grace they can deliver to believers is invaluable.
I was really drawn to and have thought a lot about the Jung Mandalas and the Atmavictu ("Breath of Life," or dragon-like representation of the creative impulse). I also can't help but keep coming back to the individuation process and synchronicity.
~Side note: I can't stop thinking about this novel, Loving Frank. Maybe because I have so little time to read these days, and therefore have had a lot of stew-time with this one, but also because I think that there's something to the time period. If you are completely ignorant (as I was) of the story of Mamah Borthwick and Frank Lloyd Wright's love affair, this will blow your mind. Guaranteed. I mean, how had I never heard of this??
The turn of the 20th century (I think Jung is even mentioned in the novel) completely fascinates me. Before the population explosion. Before the atom bomb. Before we declared war on the planet. Not to say we weren't already plotting. But you know what I'm saying? When the webs were smaller and it was all so much more...manageable. All the weird synchronicity of subjects I have been learning about these past few years seem to circle around and back to this time in human history. I think I'm beginning to understand why. More on that to come.~
I had a stranger tell me he liked and read my blog Tuesday. I can't explain how terrified and happy this made me. It's helped me decide that although I will continue to work on the other writing projects brewing, I won't forgo the blog to do so. I was kind of debating. But I have Ann Courtney, my mom and now this guy from the coop to entertain with my antics.
On Valentine's Day, before an embarrassing co-ed-like drunken spew-fest at an underwear dance party (don't ask), I went on a very fun date with my dear old friend, Brie. The Moviehouse Hearts New Films Festival at 3rd Ward was just what the creative doctor ordered. Like the 48 hour film projects, the filmmakers were given certain prescriptive elements to include in their films. They were supposed to be 3 minutes, centered around love (a surprisingly unannoying Valentine theme), feature a celebrity death, and include the three wise monkeys.
My favorite was a silent-film nod featuring a glass of milk. I can't remember the exact title, but it was French (Le lait de l'amour, peut-être?). Clever and funny, it would appeal to any analogy-lover such as myself. My next 3 favorites you can watch on youtube: 2nd place, 3rd place , and honorable mention.
Last weekend, I went all the way to Queens (I'm really branching out here!!) to help a friend with a design project. I modeled as Juliet for a poster he's creating for a production of Shakespeare's R & J. Topless! Whooooohooo. Scandalous. Only a tiny bit of my back will show, and I trust this man with my life (artistic and otherwise) implicitly. We then went to a class at this beautiful new space. I used to workstudy at the Yoga Room, and their success and lovely new digs really made me want to branch out into the world of NYC yoga more. I've been more or less monogamously married to Greenhouse...a relationship I value more than anything considering the journey I'm about to go on there, but I should definitely be checking out what this city has to offer in that capacity! Duh.
On our way back to Marc's, we happened upon this crazy new thing called pizza cones and had to try it. Not bad, but really just a glorified pizza roll. We laughed that although not uniquely New York to eat such a thing, to happen upon it on a walk home is exactly what we love about this city. The night concluded with lentil soup and Olympic-watching. A hearty winter combination I was more than happy to partake in. Even though it was ice-dancing. It's all about the company;-)
This weekend: A retreat to Heartland for some Ayurvedic cleansing practices. Hmmm. Wish me luck.